changing places, changing style, changing friends... changing!

dear, dearer, dearest!

just came back from the drama production's first night. yes, i kind of enjoyed it, but still i kept thinking all the time: i wont stay long here, coz i dont belong here.
it is true. i do no longer belong there. i belong with you. i have moved on. as hard as it might be, i dont belong there anymore. saw one of my pre england snogs. jon, the american jon, not the english jon. it was weird. well it was not the first time i saw him after GB, but the second time. and it was still weird, but satisfying at the same time. i was kinda proud, when i saw him ( being as goodlooking as ever) and all the single girls, wanting him ( not to talk of all the other girls having had him); and there it was, this proud feeling saying: hey, he used to be mine for a little while. I HAD HIM! and the blink of an eye later i thought: whoa, it feels even better to have you! (if one can ever HAVE someone)
I love you!
and i wouldnt want to exchange you for all of the drama people at once. never. tonight after the performance, i was sitting at the rear end of the bar, watching the others thinking about them, how much they used to mean to me and how much i owed to them, all the pain of being rejected, which created an even stronger feeling of self confidence. all the love i received and gave. and i felt like singing: "there are places i remember all my life, though some have changed. some forever not for better. some have gone and some still remain. all those palces had their moments with lovers and friends i still can recall, some are dead and some are living. in my life i loved them all." how true, i loved them all in a certain way. and still. i love you more. you give me all the love i need. and it was pretty hard to not have you near to me. to not show you all that. to not walk you home. just to not be with you and show off with my boyfriend. of whom most of them would have never thought i could ever got ( if this sentence makes sense).
i knew that this would be a strange evening, and so it is. anyway, it all makes sense, as i see most of my past life as a preparation for us, YOU AND ME!

good night sweetheart,
i love you dearly, more dearly than the spoken word can tell!

p...